Congratulations! Your child has done the hard work and gotten into college. Now you get to travel – to see them! After moving your teen into college, your next job is to be at Parents’ Weekend.
Whatever your expectations, there are a few dos – and a lot of don’ts – to making this a great weekend.
Follow these tips – to the letter! – to ensure your college family weekend is a success.
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Parents’ Weekend Dos and Don’ts
Call it Parents Weekend, Family Weekend, or Parent & Family weekend. Whatever the title, a college visitation weekend is the chance for parents to check in with their kids, explore the campus life and buy everything your college student forgot at home (including, sometimes, the ability to just buy things online).
My husband and I put three daughters through college, so we have many years of experience of parent weekends at three different colleges .
Before my oldest daughter’s first family weekend at college, Hallie panicked. A lot of parents at her school were polar opposites of us politically. And this was well before the last few elections drove a wedge through the country. There was one family she was particularly concerned about. If we met them, we were not to discuss politics. Or religion. Or gay marriage. Everything was forbidden.
After we arrive, Hallie had to go to a class so we went for a hike. We met the banned parents and spent a couple of hours hiking with them. The next day, I heard my name called out at breakfast, and there was the mom, waving us over to her table. We ate the rest of our meals together and stayed friends for years, seeing each other without the kids’ involvement. (We never discuss politics)
The Biggest Don’t: Don’t Skip Parents Weekend. Ever.
When our middle daughter was a freshman, my husband and I both had work trips coinciding with family weekend. We tried to sell her on the idea of us coming the weekend after, so we could “focus on you.” She did not buy it. She already had middle child syndrome and here we were, skipping this sacrosanct family time.
Move mountains. Reschedule. Do whatever you have to do to be there.
What to Expect at Family Weekend
Depending on the size of the college, family programs vary greatly. Generally, there is some programming during theon day Friday, but don’t worry if you can’t arrive until Friday night. Many events are offered multiple times during the weekend.
If you didn’t visit campus to tour the school or drop your kid off, you can take a tour, maybe sit in on a class, and see the student comedy and a capella groups. The art museum might have an open house and there are often lectures by different professors.
You might be able to go to a football game or soccer match, a concert or a dance performance.
Read More: Top Teen Destinations
More Don’ts of Parents Weekend
You are here to check in on your child, not check up on him. Follow these hard and fast rules for what NOT to do:
Don’t sit in on your child’s class if the college offers this option and they don’t want you to attend.
If they do allow you to attend a class, DON’T raise your hand. Don’t talk to the professor after class.
Don’t apply lotions, creams or unguents to your child’s body at any time. She is old enough to bust out her sunscreen, hand sanitizer or anti-itch cream herself. My mother-in-law thought my husband’s (then college boyfriend’s) skin looked red on family weekend and started daubing on lotion while we all looked on, appalled. Bite your tongue and slip a small bottle into his dorm room if you must.
Don’t go through their stuff. Don’t open up drawers, dressers, or closets in your child’s room. This is his room, not yours. Remember how you told him he had to clean up his room because it was in your house? Guess what! His dorm room is not in your house. Hands off.
Don’t comment on what you found when you were snooping. We know, you couldn’t help yourself and you peeked in his closet (see above). What did you expect to find?
Don’t be surprised to find your child has been drinking. If you see evidence of underage drinking, you can talk about safety – without mentioning what you saw. You are wrong to look, no matter what you find. Obviously, if your child has a known drug or drinking problem, this is a different matter. But unless that is the case, your child is a college student now and, if over 18, legally an adult.
Don’t insist on an activity that you saw on the weekend schedule of events. This is their weekend, not a family vacation. We would come a day early to parent’s weekend to explore a local art museum or friend who lived nearby, then have the family weekend revolve around our child.
Parents Weekend Dos
Do invite your child’s roommate to dinner if her parents didn’t come (clear this first with your child).
Do pay for everything, even if you have your daughter on a strict budget. This weekend is on you.
Do offer some cash at the end of family weekend. One of my daughters actually turned me down, saying she made enough at her summer job. But even $20 is a windfall for most college students and easier for you to spare than her.
Do eat at the dining hall. It’s a great way to sample the expensive meal plan you pay for. (But be realistic. The cuisine is elevated for family weekend). If your child wants to eat off campus, see if the college family weekend schedule includes breakfast or brunch in the dining hall. Your college student is unlikely to wake up that early and you can eat without her.
Do let your child decide what she wants to see locally. If she doesn’t have a car, your wheels are the best way for her to explore the community. Maybe her school is near top teen destinations.
Do offer your college student the chance to stay with you in your hotel or AirBnB. But don’t expect them to accept. We naively thought our girls would welcome the opportunity to stay in a fancy hotel, with clean sheets and towels. Boring! They want to return to campus for the usual weekend fun that occurs long after the family weekend festivities conclude for the night. You thought this weekend was just for family time? Ha!
Do let your younger children stay in the college student’s dorm room if that’s offered. Think of this as one of the college trips you won’t have to take.
Do remember: This isn’t a vacation. It’s a chance to see your child on their turf, get a glimpse into their life away from you. Be in the moment and let your child take the lead!
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