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How to Ace Parents Weekend – Our Dos and Don’ts

Home / Travel Tips / How to Ace Parents Weekend – Our Dos and Don’ts

Judy Antell, Updated November 17, 2019

Family weekend at Carleton
We loved family weekends so much we went senior year. Credit: Judy Antell
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Table of Contents[Hide][Show]
  • Parents Weekend Dos and Don’ts
  • The Major No-No: Don't skip Parents Weekend. Ever.
  • What to Expect at Family Weekend
  • Parents Weekend Don'ts:
  • Parents Weekend Do's
Congrats! Your child has done the hard work and gotten into college. Now you get to travel – to see her! After moving your teen into college, your next job is to be at parents weekend. These tips will make every college family weekend a success.

Parents weekend is also family weekend
Parents weekend is one way to get all the kids together. Credit: Judy Antell

 

Parents Weekend Dos and Don’ts

Call it Parents Weekend, Family Weekend, or Parent & Family weekend. Whatever the title, a college visitation weekend is the chance for parents to check in with their kids, explore the campus life and buy everything your college student forgot at home (including, sometimes, the ability to just buy things online). My youngest daughter (of three!) just graduated from college, so we have many years of experience of parent weekends at three different colleges  Whatever your expectations, there are a few dos – and a lot of don’ts – to making this a great weekend.

Before my oldest daughter’s first family weekend at college, Hallie panicked. A lot of parents at her school were polar opposites of us politically. And this was well before the 2016 election! There was one family she was particularly concerned about. If we met them, we were not to discuss politics. Or religion. Or gay marriage. Everything was forbidden.

But Hallie had to go to a class and we went for a hike. We met the banned parents and spent a couple of hours hiking with them. The next day, I heard my name called out at breakfast, and there was the mom, waving us over to her table. We ate the rest of our meals together and have stayed friends for seven years, seeing each other without the kids’ involvement. (We never discuss politics)

The Major No-No: Don’t skip Parents Weekend. Ever.

Beautiful Parent's Weekend fall foliage
There’s a reason Parent’s Weekend is held in the fall: fall foliage. Credit: Judy Antell

When our middle daughter was a freshman, my husband and I both had work trips coinciding with family weekend. We tried to sell her on the idea of coming the weekend after, to ‘focus on you.’ She did not buy it. She already had middle child syndrome and here we were, skipping this sacrosanct family time. Move mountains, reschedule, and be there.

What to Expect at Family Weekend

Visiting your college student on campus for the first time? These are the must-read tips for college parent's weekend so you'll know how NOT to embarrass your Freshman! #TMOM #College #FamilyWeekend | SheBuysTravel | University
Photo Credit: Naumoid from Getty Images Pro.

Depending on the college’s size, family programs vary greatly. Generally, there is some programming during the day Friday, but don’t worry if you can’t arrive until Friday night. Many events are offered multiple times during the weekend. If you didn’t visit campus to tour the school or drop your kid off, you can take a tour, maybe sit in on a class, and see the student comedy and a capella groups. The art museum might have an open house and there are often lectures by different professors. You can often go to a football game or soccer match, a concert or a dance performance.

Parents Weekend Don’ts:

Parents weekend: college branded attire required. Credit: Judy Antell

Don’t sit in on your child’s class if the college offers this option and she doesn’t want you to attend.

But if she does let you come, DON’T raise your hand, or talk to the professor after class.
Don’t apply lotions, creams or unguents to your child’s body at any time. She is old enough to bust out her sunscreen, hand sanitizer or anti-itch cream herself. My mother-in-law thought my husband’s (then college boyfriend’s) skin looked red on family weekend and started daubing on lotion while we all looked on, appalled. Bite your tongue and slip a small bottle into his dorm room if you must.

Stay out of his stuff

Don’t open up drawers, dressers, or closets in your child’s room. This is his room, not yours. Remember how you told him he had to clean up his room because it was in your house? Guess what! His dorm room is not in your house. Hands off.
Don’t comment on what you found when you were snooping. We know, you couldn’t help yourself and you peeked in his closet (see above). What did you expect to find? If you see evidence of underage drinking, you can talk about safety – without mentioning what you saw. You are wrong to look, no matter what you find.*
Remember, you are here to check in on your child, not check up on him.
Do you bring siblings to family weekend?
At family weekend, siblings are often happy to see each other. Credit: Judy Antell

Don’t insist on an activity that you saw on the weekend schedule of events. This is his weekend, not a family vacation. We would come a day early to parent’s weekend to explore a local art museum or friend who lived nearby, then have the family weekend revolve around our child.

*Note: if your child has a known drug / drinking problem, this is a different matter. But still. He is in college and, if over 18, legally an adult.

Parents Weekend Do’s

Do invite your child’s roommate to dinner if her parents didn’t come (clear this first with your child).
Do pay for everything, even if you have your daughter on a strict budget. This weekend is on you.
Do offer some cash at the end of family weekend. One of my daughters actually turned me down, saying she made enough at her summer job. But even ten dollars is a windfall for most college students and easier for you to spare than her.
Do you go to sports games on family weekend?
Football game at family weekend. Credit: Judy Antell

Do eat at the dining hall. It’s a great way to sample the expensive meal plan you pay for. (But be realistic. The cuisine is elevated for family weekend).

But if your child only wants to eat off campus, see if the college family weekend schedule includes breakfast or brunch in the dining hall. Your college student is unlikely to wake up that early and you can eat without her.

This isn’t a vacation

Do let your daughter decide what she wants to see locally. If she doesn’t have a car, your wheels are the best way for her to explore the community. Maybe her school is near top teen destinations.
Do offer your college student the chance to stay with you in your hotel or AirBnB. But don’t expect her to accept. We naively thought our girls would welcome the opportunity to stay in a fancy hotel, with clean sheets and towels. Boring! They want to return to campus for the usual weekend fun that occurs long after the family weekend festivities conclude for the night. You thought this weekend was just for family time? Ha!
Do let your younger child stay in the college student’s dorm room if that’s offered. Think of this as one of the college trips you won’t have to take.

Filed Under: Travel Tips

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Concerned parent says

    July 12, 2022 at 6:07 pm

    Do you think it is ok for a spouses new girlfriend to attend a parent weekend?

    Reply
    • Judy Antell says

      July 13, 2022 at 10:42 pm

      depends on how the kid feels about it

      Reply
  2. john says

    July 26, 2021 at 2:18 pm

    I think you are not very sensitive and not taking your role a patent or guardian seriously. On parents weekend DO check on your child, DO check drawers and what have you. You are never going to be a friend or peer. You are a parent and guardian. Make sure your moral standards are clear, your moral compass is undoubted. Your child is intelligent enough to make her own choices,but you have to make sure it’s informed choices.

    Reply
    • Judy Antell says

      July 26, 2021 at 3:59 pm

      This is meant to be funny – as I write below it, parents will look in their child’s stuff. But you have to be sensitive to the fact that your child is growing up and has the right to some privacy.

      Reply
      • Lorri Shannon says

        September 2, 2021 at 5:13 pm

        I think you are spot on, whether you intended to be funny or not. I don’t go through my children’s things in my own house. I trust them and respect their right to privacy. If I have concerns, I talk to them. And (gasp!) they actually tell me things and ask for my advice when they have trouble problem solving! Because they know I’m not going to go off the deep end if it’s something I won’t like. I believe my duty as a parent is to work myself out of a job. Just my two cents…

        Reply

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